its a boy!

& so.. we prepared to go fo rour 20th week ultrasound. the date is sept 16th. & as the whole world knows.. i'm not so secretly hoping it a girl. I go in there.. firstly, i thought it would be a few quick checks & the all important (to me) gender check & we're outts there. apparently not. there an intensive organ by organ check. every single part of the baby's body is measured & checked for. we saw its arm bones! the size of its brain, the woman measured the size of its cerebrum.. cerebellum.. cross section of its li'l tummy & kidneys.. wow! it was a 9th standard bio class! & then, she wanted to check if the blood was flowing in the right directions through the ventricles & atria! wow! that's intense scanning! anyways.. the baby being ours.. just would not co-operate! it was floating all over.. swooshing full force! & would NOT let the woman get all her readings. She tried to make me lie on my side.. poke me.. tickle me.. so, it moves to a more convenient position. but.. NOPE. an appointment that should have taken 30-45 mins.. took 2 hours.. & still was not done. & ofcourse L & i are more intersted in the gender.. & the already irrirtated woman is further annoyed with our priorities.. :))) anyways.. after 2 hours... a bad backache from lying on my back for so long & a li'l leg cramp.. all the doctor said was that i had to come back in again as they could not test it all! hmm.. what a hyper active baby!!! at that point.. my gut does say its a boy. it could be caffeine or sugar.. but i haven't been injected any of that in my system.. so, it would have to be the happy baby floating along doing HIS own thing!
i was already gettign nightmarish! if this li'l thing was being so restless in a confined space.. what would happen if he hit planet earth! phew! i'm exhausted!

anyways, i go back on monday - sept 19th. & yep! this time he's calmer.. the blood flow is all fine & dandy & the woman says "120% its a boy"! for all reasons.. i was not surprised at all! my not having a li'l baby princess did hit home.. & i was wee bit dissapointed. what would i do with a boy?! i was hoping to play dress up with her.. & make her the naughtiest tramp on the block.. :))) but in reality.. the dissapointment lasted just a tad bit. in no time, i jumped out & picked out li'l tickle's first clothes! a bathrobe with cute li'l animals :) now.. i can't wait to see what he looks like.. i can't wait for him! january suddenly seems to be toooo far!

the past year

Its september 2005. I'm pregnant, am a director at a fantastic company, we may be getting our own li'l loft in san francisco.. its a whole lot different from where i was in this world a year back. 2004 this time, i thought i was going to have the most exciting phase in my life. L & I were heading on a month long travel trip to morrocco, france & spain, & then i was to work in india for 2 months - with most of the time spent in riral tilonia, rajasthan. That definitely was one of the most exciting & interesting 3 months of my life.. but more than that, it was a very defining time in my life. wanderlust.. ground reality.. a sense of activism... strakness... innocence.. a sense of incompleteness.. an opened eye.. satisfaction.. a sense of completeness.. diwali at home, xmas with the inlaws.. it was at the very least a very mixed bag of emotions & actions.
we had the best time travelling.. travelling - esp on a budget to offbeat places opens all the remote sensory points in your mind. staying home was good too.. i liked it better this time, as i left i was back home. i had my routine.. work, then hang out & catch up with someone & then home. it was perfect. it was great to meet with the team i only associated by voice. i met up with a lot of people. together i discovered the vibrancy of bangalore & what its morphed into. i must say that its great. & ofcourse the cake & the iciing was the trip to rajasthan. i did not imagine that trip to be so fruitful. meeting genuine people who didn't care abotu what car you drove or where you worked.. people who loved & respected you for what you did for them! i don't remember being in that kind of environment that's completely devoid of any sort of social pressure - ever! it was a breath of fresh air.. fresh air that i wanted to breath always. just from helping people to work more efficiently, to talkign to them about importance of time & quality.. to taking a troupe of 20+ visitors from across the world on a site visit.. to talking in frount of thousands of villagers.. in an attempt to enlighten them about the ill effects(that they already experience) of nuclear energy - in Hindi!... to hearing first hand about physical & mental abuse as an outcome of dowry... child marriages.. going from village to village educating kids about the importance of education & womens empowerment - using puppets.. visiting night schools to inspire kids to stay in school. overwhelming.. overwhelming... very very satisfying.
taking the flight out of india, i knew i could not continue doing what i was doing for much longer. i was no longer the same person i was 3 months back. while i really enjoyed what i was doing at ibm - i have a fantastic manager & i believe she's 50% of the reason for me to love IBM. i realized climbing the corporate ladder was not really what i was after. but.. nonetheless, to aid that process, i had extremely positive feedback for my performance in 2004. I was a PBC 1! Its less than 10% of all of IBM that gets a PBC 1. Elation was an understatement. But honestly, for all the work I put in for the first 9 months of 2004, I would have been disappointed if I didn't get that 1. Along with that came a promotion - out of the blue. None I knew or even O knew got 2 promotions in 3 years.. looked like i was on a fast track to climb up the knotches. Surprisingly & shockingly(to a few at IBM) I chose not to move jobs or groups.. & continued doing what i was doing... partly as I had no motivation to look for the next thing there.
In the meanwhile, I'm trying to figure out what it is that I really want to do. Well i wrote down as many words that would fit my job requirement. i was looking for something, social & fulfulling, challenging & new, & ofcourse something that paid atleast decent. i was overcome by all my feelings to help people in need, but the rational, & materialistic(i have to admit that I still am to a good extent) side of me needed income. I look up all kinds of positions at the UN, UNDP, WB, etc.. but they are a li'l out of reach. Looks like I need to arm myself with more education. I start scoping out schools that have courses in Social enterpreneurship, economic development.. etc. Honestly, i'm not too up for school... but if that's what it takes.. i'll do it. I've believed over the past 7 years that education takes you far.. but only that far. after that its only drive, motivation & passion that takes to beyond the common man. & I am out to prove that to myself. i know what i want to do (kind of).. i'm ready to do what it takes.. its only a matter of find the right opportunity - how simple! While i'm looking for potential organizations to work with, i re-establish connections with Arjun. I'm so upset to see that there are still 400+ quilts lying in storage in bgm! soon after sanjay moved to india, i believe the project was orphaned. arjun coul donly do so much from india. so, lloyd & i decided to jump right in & see if we could help sell the remaining quilts. & it WAS a challenge. we created li'l borchures, cut up li'l samples & knocked on several stores from daregers in san mateo to hippie stores in berkeley. the only success of sorts we had was with global exchange. & they've been doing fairly well there. while this is in progress, i start talking to my most reliable support in the world - L - about what i want to do. in true fashion, he drafts out a 4 page document that lists out organizations i should contact, schools, of interest, all aptly titled - to the social enterpreneur- with a clear & simple statement on page 2 - " i am happy today, will i be happy tommorrow as well"?
& then started the next phase in my journey.